Overcoming Relationship Trauma: A Journey to from Fear to Love

I never wanted to get married or have kids.

I viewed marriage & kids as loss of freedom.

I wanted to be free forever to do whatever I wanted, with whoever I wanted, whenever I wanted.

and…I didn't want to end up like my parents or other married people that I witnessed growing up,

So I “protected” myself…by being a strong independent woman with “I don’t need a man” energy and was sabotaging relationships so I could be alone (aka safe) until I realized something that changed everything:

Protecting myself from *potentially* getting hurt in a relationship was what was *actually* hurting me.

How ironic.

And sad.

And comical.

Let’s explore this together, shall we ladies?

Instead of allowing myself to experience connection, love, support (and all the juicy things that come with being in a relationship)

I convinced myself that the “risk” of getting hurt wasn't worth it & that *I was happier alone*

And while I did love being alone, I realized that I actually felt lonely.

I finally let myself admit that I yearned to be loved…and claimed, but my relationship trauma from what I witnessed growing up made me believe that relationships make you miserable and rob you of your freedom…

How did I start to shift this? I decided to let that part of me RIP with my Ritafine It Process

Step 1: I decided that I wanted to RELEASE this belief and chose to see it differently.

Step 2: I started to look for the opposite to be true to REDEFINE (ritafine😉) my perspective (because you will find what you're looking for, so shifting what you are expecting will change what you see).

This slapped me in the face at my yoga teacher training in Costa Rica in 2021 - where my teacher was there with his wife & 1 year old running around. 

I took that as a “God wink” telling me that I CAN get married and have kids AND live my purpose while traveling the world… because if they can do it, so can I! (Law of Oneness)

Step 3: I decided to REDESIGN (ritasign😉) the way that I showed up. My energy was no longer shitting on marriage and kids…it was softened & open.

This opened the door to learning about feminine energy and embodiment...

Which led me to deeper healing and expansion…

Which led me to who you see today in a committed monogamous relationship with my “dream man” that travels the world with me & wants to get married & have kids.

Isn’t that interesting?

What's even more interesting is that I thought that sine I "healed" this, it wouldn't show up again, but boy was I wrong!

After all the healing work I've done including: trainings, courses, retreats, plant medicine ceremonies, working with coaches, therapists, and even getting such amazing results for my own coaching clients...I still get triggered and create some justifiable chaos to end my relationship and run to be free/safe (which is my pattern), but I now catch myself and I don't allow myself to burn it all down to the ground.

Instead, I own my shit and remind myself that I am just trying to protect myself from a threat that isn't actually there.

I remind myself that I am worthy of love…especially by a gorgeous, funny, smart, spiritual, and very very very loyal man that is just like me in almost every single way.

I remind myself that I don't actually want to run, and that I need to calm my nervous system and get back to neutral before I make any life changing decisions like ending my relationship (for something small that my ego sees as life threatening).

If you'd like support or to learn more about my process and what all goes into it, I'm going to break down my "RITAFINE IT" Process to release, realign, and redesign your life in my upcoming podcast episode in a brand new Season 6 where I'll go into juicy personal stories of how my "relationship trauma" shows up and how I handle it.

I'm also offering my RITAFINE IT Workbook for FREE that I will be releasing in June 2024.

If you'd like to get on the waitlist to be one of the first to receive it, please send me an email at [email protected] and include your full name & phone number.

Look out for the podcast wherever you listen to podcasts and on YouTube!

May you be happy, healthy, and free. 

Xo Rita